We're like a lot better than the average bears
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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