Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
