She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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