I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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