You were right. It hurts to walk today.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
