Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
