We're like a lot better than the average bears
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Randomize
