I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
