I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize
