She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
