I just threw up on my dentist
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
