Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
