the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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