Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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