Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
