Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
