i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
