I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Mom said you looked used
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
