I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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