pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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