if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
