Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
