Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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