you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
