No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
