Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
