Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
