Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
