so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
