she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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