Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i used baking grease as lip gloss
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
