Duck Duck Cougar?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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