do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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