is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
