I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
