We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
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