dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
