Porn is love you can see.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
