my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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