WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
