I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
