Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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