You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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