Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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