I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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