awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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