dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
