Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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