I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
why do cheetos always look like penises
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
