i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
