Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I think I am morally bankrupt
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
