Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
