I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
