I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Randomize
