i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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